Too often I focus on the finish line, when in reality it only marks the end. If I’ve learned anything from all of this, it’s that the most valuable thing one can have is the experience, not the outcome. That may seem like an obvious concept to many, but for me, it’s a constant struggle. I am torn between a childhood which I’ve loved and want to perpetuate and an adult life that is all too scary and exciting. I struggled with it during my senior year of high school and have never stopped. I find an end I want but don’t understand how to get there, other than hoping and wishing. I came abroad to see the world, yes, but also to challenge that missing link in my brain, the one preventing me from having success in my life’s choosings. I knew I would grow up during my time here, I just didn’t realize how.

Upon arrival in Rome, I realized this would be about as uncommon of an experience as any. Here was a city, despite having 2700 years under it’s belt, that could barely turn the cogs of daily life. Things don’t work as one might expect. American expectations and obligations are not present. Although it forced me to see how things outside of our bubble of a world work, it was very unsettling. At first, I mistook the general unfriendliness of Rome personally, as if the Roman people were spitting in my face. Gradually, I realized that I would probably act the same way if I lived in an environment like this.

That’s not to say Rome is a bad place; it’s quite the contrary. It’s hard to describe what it feels like to walk through a vibrant space knowing entire eras of art, commerce, religion, government – human life – have come and gone in the very same spot. After all, there is more history in the 50th most significant church in Rome than there is in the grandest in the US. In that sense, from simple churches on side streets to behemoths like St. Peters’, there is nothing unexciting. Whether it be social, historical, or simply getting lost, every day brought a new adventure. By the time the final week rolled around, I had grown to love Rome. Despite it’s flaws, it’s a beautiful place in many different ways.

During my many trips throughout Europe, the people around me threw around hyperbole like there was no tomorrow. Seeing as we had the experience of a lifetime, it’s hard to blame them. But I realized early on that when you start to compare and contrast, you lose the importance of what you are seeing in front of you. There was no “best place” I visited or “best night” I had with my friends. Every single one was memorable in it’s own right.

More significant than any trip or activity, the most important thing I’ve done during my time here is open myself to the people around me. Going into this experience, I was anxious to meet thirty people and expand my social circle. I’m a very shy person and am as self-conscious as they come, making that a difficult task. Early on, I could sense my anxiety was all for nothing. I’ve never made quicker friends or felt so close to people in such a short amount of time. I’m convinced that with this group, we could have been living in the middle of nowhere and still had the time of our lives. It would be impossible for someone outside of the experience to understand this, but I genuinely love these people. I love these people as if I’ve known them since I was three. Not until I realized that did I wish it could last forever.

And it can’t, of course. Life doesn’t really work that way. Things end. New things start. You can only be in limbo for so long. At a certain point you stop hoping to be grown up and you start being it.

My experience in Rome has ended, just as my time in college will soon. My childhood will end the day I receive my diploma, becoming a set of memories for me to look back on and reminisce. I’m scared. Before this semester, I didn’t have the self confidence to believe that I could overcome that fear. Now, I do.